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Sunday, November 29th, 2009
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1:46 am - (( Ros ))
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being here is strange. not that i mind, but.... i must remember to keep in touch with the people i've met so far -- Jasper(?), Rogue(?), and Rhai. all interesting people, and, thank god, people that AREN'T Gav. 9_9
it's nice to be able to live sometimes. ^_^
time to vacation like a deviant. wish me luck.
current mood:  spiritually sound
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| Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
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9:44 pm - (( Vent ))
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sometimes i think it's getting attatched that kills us. the longer we're around, the more we lose our sense of self, the more we start being infected by.... her.
i'll have to leave soon.
current mood:  bored
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| Friday, August 8th, 2008
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10:59 pm - [[.Rez.]]
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So..... I've apparently been commissioned to write a song for somebody... Still waiting on word back about the specifics, but, meh, I need a new project lately, anyway...
It's so damn boring lately, and I'm just so lazy that I haven't been doing anything creative at all.... I mean, I know part of it is that Aimz has writer's block, and that affects everyone, but... Bleh. I feel like I should be doing more. Though, I guess, that means nothing considering I'm hardly ever around.... Ah, and I used to be so popular, too... *dramatic sigh* ........No, really, I actually kinda grounded myself. No point in actually being here if the only person I know to see will probably get me in trouble.... So.... Y'know.... I been trying to be good. x_x;;;
Fuck, I almost drank out of a soda can that someone ashed their cigarette in... x__X;;;;
I'M SO BORED. @_@
At this rate, my career's gonna go down the tube before it even starts.... Oi, Jiro, if you're alive over there, you'd better quit fapping to pictures of your girlfriend and get practicing!
I should seriously just start writing again, even if it's crap. Eventually, I'll run out of crap and get gold, right?
And yet.... I totally wanna stick around here tonight and play some videogames. x_x;;;
Aiji, after they get into their house, you'd better make time to come visit. T_T
Even if he just sits on the couch and ignores me like usual, I don't care.
Fuck, someone give something to write about ---- WHAT THE HELL, I SWEAR TO GOD, THIS SONG ON THE RADIO JUST SAID "YOUR DICK IS SO PHENOMENAL". XD
There may be hope for me yet.
current mood: amused
current music: Last.fm
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| Tuesday, July 29th, 2008
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12:33 am - [[.¿OOC?.]]
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{{....Written by one, but aplicable to many, this is random writings by an anonymous person, posted for posterity and amusement....}}
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to actually kill something? To look at a living thing, struggling in your grasp, staring right into its eyes and watching the fear.... The feeling of cracking bones, ripping flesh..... The trickle of warm blood flowing down your arm as you watch the light die away out of a once vivid and peaceful little creature?
I don't like to kill..... No, that's not true. I don't want to like to kill. But, to be honest, I probably enjoyed it. It's a pure adrenaline rush. For a short amount of time, you are in control, you are god, and the life you've taken means no more than a speck of sand. Thinking about it, sure, you can convince yourself to feel remorse... But what is that remorse for? Is it because you've caused something to cease to exist, blotting out whatever future it may have had? Or is it simply because you realize that you're a monster for not caring at all?
I've tried. I've tried very hard to put my past behind me, for all the good it's done. We all have secret selves, don't we? That dark part in all of us, the things we wouldn't dare let anyone see. Terrible, terrible things that no one would believe.... And yet, if it's there.... Is it not you?
Who are we, really? Are any of us really and truly exactly how we portray ourselves to others? Do we really have nothing to hide? Think about it. What are you afraid of? These other people that you're trying to impress? Hiding yourself behind a beautiful mask and burying yourself.... Tsk tsk.
Being such devils that we are, can we really be happy?
What, if anything, is true happiness?
No one will ever understand you.
Not even you.
Living, then, must be misery.
Oh, but then instead of a monster, if killing things causes them peace from this charade of living.... Are we not actually angels? Opposites don't attract, they are the same. Who are we to judge, anyway, when we have our own things to hide?
The perfect world is empty.
Don't bother putting faith in the faithless.
We all change, don't we? Little by little either adding to our masks or tearing them away until we ourselves aren't even sure what we are anymore.
I love you. I hate you.
It's the same.
I want to live forever with you by my side.... I want to kill you and be done with all of this.
Come, let us be happy being miserable together.
{{....The text cuts off here, but I'm sure had our anon been given the time, there would have been volumes more....}}
current mood:  curious
current music: box fan
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| Saturday, July 26th, 2008
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4:35 am - [[.Izanami.]]
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.......Fuck all this shit. Seriously. Since when did I become some stupid little bitch who cries and cares about everybody? FUCK IT. FUCK EVERYTHING.
I know it's my fault. I know it is, and I hate myself for it. Why couldn't I just have been smart? LOL, or maybe, I shoulda just drowned? At this point, I'm not so sure.
It's not even that I hate my life..... It more that..... I know I'm ruining life for other people....... AND GOD FUCKING DAMMIT WHY DO I EVEN CARE?
I don't know what the fuck happened between you guys, but christ.... WHY? Nobody intended for all this shit, did they?
I don't even fucking smoke, and I feel like I need a goddamn cigarette.....
I wish I could just be selfish and stop caring whether anyone else was happy.
....... .......... ...... Why am I surrounded by psychos? u_u;;
current mood: rejected
current music: adult swim
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| Sunday, July 13th, 2008
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8:58 pm - [[.Baxt.]]
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...........Um....... Diary crap again, huh? I guess it beats being bored, but still... I don't know.... Makes me feel a little lame... >>;;
At least this way I might get back into contact with people.... AND THANK FUCKING GOD THAT FUCKING PERVERT TEACHER ISN'T HERE. X________X;;;
People make all these damn jokes about how I'm always trying to hide from him, but.... *shudders* .... Fuck, man, you guys have no idea.
It's like he thinks I owe him, or he owns me or something... And really, I have no idea what the deal with my family was, but.... NO. JUST. NO.
I hope Isu and Litzy have been okay.... Never thought I'd actually write that, especially about that damn rabid puffball that calls itself a cat..... But... I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss them.
I also kinda miss school.... Not the faculty or the classmates, really.... Just.... I miss having something to do, even if I usually skipped out on doing it. It was better than actually having to plan my own life.... Makes me realize how boring I really am.... x__X;;;
So boring, in fact, that I just sat here for five minutes and couldn't think of anything else to write.
Maybe I should look into getting a job or going back to school?
Keh, who knows, I'm probably too lazy... -__-;;;
current mood: curious
current music: The Beatles - Come Together
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8:31 pm - [[.Luka.]]
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Sitting here, in this place, watching all these little ants scurry around... It's not as enjoyable as one would think. In fact, it's not too different from where I was before.... A bit cleaner, maybe, and there are females, but.... Still an overabundance of idiots topped with a lack of anything to do. Oh, I'd rather be here than going back home, of course. And the girl really does try to keep us occupied.... Quite an extensive library, actually. And the rooms are fairly comfortable, made all the better for not having to deal with a roommate.
Of course, not that having a roommate wasn't entertaining..... I did enjoy that child, and keeping him close was an easy way to make sure he was being 'good'.... I doubt he has been, really. In all this time, I wonder....
Oh, that girl will be mad at me.... Left with only one cigarette to last her until morning, and I'm 'wasting' it in the beginning of the night. Serves her right. Addictions can be a bad thing.
current mood: bored
current music: Cirque du Soleil OSTs
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| Friday, July 11th, 2008
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10:11 pm - [[.Mochk.]]
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My father is causing problems again. Not a full scale attack or anything, but I know something's brewing. I hate him. I hate him so much. It makes me wish I didn't know anyone, because everyone I know ends up suffering for it. I know that Machine's brother is probably some sort of a spy.... Or even Kid. I'm not sure.... I feel so paranoid. I think I'm sick, because I keep coughing alot. Sometimes, I sleep for hours and wake up still tired. It's hard to focus even writing this. I don't know what to say, and I don't know what I'm supposed to say, what's wrong or right, or even apropriate....
.....I sound like a crazy person. Maybe I am. My sister keeps trying to get ahold of me, but I'm avoiding her. I don't want to know. I don't want to know about anything. Too much has happened. I've heard rumors about Jun, that she's waking up, that Ichi knows where she is.... I wonder if Mischa knows? I wonder if he knows? My god, if this is what it's all coming down to... Maybe we should all just get out. Everyone's taking on this noble stance of "stand up and fight", but I don't want to anymore. I'm beginning to think we can't win. I don't even....
I don't even know what's going on anymore. I just need to stop and think. God, but I don't want to think about it. I shouldn't even be writing about it. I....
I need a fucking cigarette. I need sleep, or have I been sleeping to much? I need... I don't know. Do I need anything?
On the surface, life seems calm. Everything's been pretty peaceful. Comfortable. Almost. There's things going on, but no one's really talking about it. I wonder if they're all waiting like me?
This is so familiar, feeling like this.... If I didn't know better.....
Oh god.
This is how it starts.
I'm so pathetic. All I can do is hide.
I want to hide away, in the dark.
.....Why in god's name do I feel like he could comfort me?
current mood: restless
current music: - Radiohead - 06 - Knives Out
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9:56 pm - [[.Mappe.]]
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..... ........ ......... ......... Amazing that I got chosen. I thought I was boring. *shrugs*
All I do lately is read. Not many people here worth talking to or hanging out with. Especially family.
Almost makes me wish for another drop, just so we'd all have something to do.
...... ....... ........ Scratch that. It could be dangerous.
current mood:  blank
current music: Emilie Simon - The egg
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9:22 pm - [[.Sex.]]
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I'm not sure why my name was on that list, or why it was first, but I guess I should be proud of it, because it means people think of me. How strange for someone who was born and dumped ina bathroom stall at a train station. Maybe it's the fact that I agreed to help that Remy girl with her "band". Though, really, how it counts as a band, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out if it's for real, or if we're just supposed to be humoring her.
We may have another kid coming to stay with us, named Kid. I think Pistol found him, but I can't be sure. It's strange, sometimes I think.... Hn, never mind.... I don't think I want to say anything until I know more about it.
I think this is the first time I've been near a computer that I didn't build, and where I could see out of both eyes correctly. One of the plusses of being here, I guess. That, and comfortable living conditions with food, running water, and videogames.
Machine found her brother. We weren't planning for that. I figured we were pretty well hidden, but, of course... He was probably right next door the whole time. It's taking a toll on her, too. It's hard to know what to think about it sometimes, but Baux is trying to "help" her. Who knows how that will turn out.
On leaving, a question:
Isn't it amazing how well I grasp spelling and gramar, having taught myself?
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: APOCALYPTICA - Fisheye
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9:05 pm - [[.Honou.]]
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...............People actually remember I exist? o_O;; Holy shit. I honestly expected to just disappear or something.
Not a whole lot has been going on here. Daily routines just keep going.... Eating, sleeping, books, TV, videogames, bathing.... So normal that I couldn't really tell you one day apart from the next. I wish we actually had a phone service or somethig, so I could call people that don't live here.... Miakou especially. I wonder how she's doing? Probably as bored as everyone else.... Hopefully she hasn't completely forgotten me. :]
Gah... I don't know what to write.... I'm sitting here, eating goldfish crackers..... SO EXCITING. x_x;;
My sister's getting to be hell to live with. I think it's cabin fever or something... She's getting a little kooky not knowing what's going on with Goten and the others. We used to be so close, all of us, but now it's been so long.... I dunno... It's weird when you actually think about how long it's been. Alot of the people here seem pretty close to rioting and protests over it, claiming that it's not fair and it's like a cencentration camp. I understand how they feel, but it's not like we can really do anything about it. We can't change how people are, all we can do is wait.....
I'm surprised this place hasn't already been flooded with posts, considering the amount of disgruntled townies running around here. Of course, now that they have the chance to see people again, they're probably all nervous because of how long it's been. And really, it's not like many of us have had much going on to write about, either. Especially since none of us are "favorites".... God, I feel like I should have a "classic" label stamped on my forehead. -__-;;;
Well, I guess I lied, it's not that we're not favorites... It's more that, since everyone's been busy, we haven't been around, and all the n00bs and ones with closer loved ones have taken over. x_X;;
To be completely truthful, I know if she wereto make a "favorites" list.... Most of them would be the ones "from back in the day"..... XD;;; God dammit, back in the day.... What the hell.... You know what I mean, right? People that haven't been around in ages, but not because they're uncool or whatever....
Wow. o_O;;; I wrote more than I thought I would. Yay.
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8:48 pm - [[.Var.]]
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Considering I'm oh so popular, I figured I may as well get this out of the way sooner than later.
I don't know what you're all expecting to hear from me, it's fucking boring here, and I'm still sick.
Is that good enough for all of you?
Nothing new has really happened, aside from the girl aquiring a new 'hobby'. It's nothing new to any of us, we all used to do something akin to that back home. Any of you assuming I'd be "cute" or "silly" when I'm drunk or high... Who knows? I' guessing that the only way to find out would be to be there for it, now, wouldn't it?
The girl's also been amusing herself by messing with our ages... Keh... It's a waste and has no point.
Our supeior decided to drop in a few months ago, seems like he's stuck here. It's strange trying to see him as an equal, but whatever.
Of course, the onlyreal reason I'm playing along with all this nonsense.... Onyx, I know you're not dead yet. As much as she hates you, she could never kill you off. How's your sister?
current mood: bored
current music: nonsense on the TV
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| Thursday, July 10th, 2008
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4:02 am - [[.Rika.]]
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((OOC: Not to be confused with Rikka.... Also, typing this on phone.))
--- --- ---
I realize now that I've lost everything. My home, my family's inn, my best friend.... I have none of it now, only memories. Twice, I have loved, and twice I have been rejected. It wasn't their fault, either of them. It was me. It was other circumstances. But even knowing this, I'm still beginning to believe that maybe I just have bad luck. Maybe I just make terrible choices. Maybe I'll never be happy.
I guess all I can do now is try to be useful in some way. Work off my debts, and possibly buy back the inn. It's probably impossible, I know, but what else is there left for me to do? I'm not happy with it, but I have no choice. No one will come to save me, and I've given up hoping that anyone ever will.
Kraiye, I hope you get better soon. So many people love you and worry for you. Don't be so harsh on yourself. Stop taking on the burden of everyone else's problems. Forgive your parents, they love you.
current mood: drained
current music: whatever's on the computer
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| Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
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8:38 am - [[.Hevn.]]
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OMG OMG OMG OMG ~ I get the second post in here!!!! ^_____________^
Hmm... Let's see.... First off..... HI KOHAKU-CHAN!!!! HI UNCLE ONYX!!!!!! How are you guys doing? Miss us at all? ^___^
XD
...And now, hrm..... What's been going on with Hevn? Not a whole lot........ Been hanging out with family, mostly. Made a few new friends, I guess. One of them is Reks, who's kinda my cousin, sorta. You see, he's an accident that Uncle Uriel-- Ooh! He's one of the guys my daddy used to work for before they quit killing things and came here, but I guess he can tell you his story-- and Mikael, however her name's spelled, she's an ACTUAL angel, I guess.... Anyway, she was his "welcome to this place" one night stand, and then there was Reks. XD;;; She seems to hate Uncle Uriel, though.... I like him, he reminds me of Uncle Israfel.... O_O;;; Apparently he's the only one to seme Uncle Izzy, too.... LOL, and I'm thinking he got daddy, too, because he's really paranoid about me being friends with Reks.... Something about status differences and needing to show respect... Whatever. XD
ANYWAY.... What was I talking about? .......... ........... Oh Yeah! You know what? That Kira girl who lives here, she's nice to me... She seemsto like hanging out with me, she helped me play dress up in Aimee's loli once.... Well, I was here a few days ago, hanging out with Bauxy, and......... Omigosh, she thought I was a little kid!! ¬.¬ And then she looked all surprised when I told her I wasn't, and when I asked her how old she thought I was, do you know what she said?? SHE SAID I SOUNDED LIKE I WAS FOUR!!! T___T Isn't that mean? I'm not sure if I like her so much anymore. Especialy since she's really not one to talk....
We're supposed to be sleeping right now, but we're not really tired... I mean, I guess I could go lay down, but... I don't really want to.... Well, I am kinda tired, but....
Oh, whatever. Now that I mentioned sleeping, I'm geting all yawny and misty-eyed. Blech. I guess beauty rest is okay.
I wanted to write more, though!!!!!!! ;___________;
Ah well, there's always next time.....
KOHAKU-CHAN, COME PLAY WITH US SOMETIME!!!! ^___^
Oh yeah, and Uncle Onyx, Daddy misses you guys, but don't tell him I said that.... Oh! And could you tell Pearl-san I said hi? ^_^
Nyaa~! I guess it's bedtime for now....
BaiBai!!!
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[EDIT: LOL, you wanna know why Reks's name is Reks? XD;;; Uncle Uriel made a joke that he got named that because he "Reks people's lives"... XD;;; It's terible, I know, but also funny.... I know his parents don't hate him, but... Eh, I can't speak for archangels, but I know people from where daddy's from don't really care too much about babies or bed partners... Is it bad that it kinda rubbed off on us kids, too? ^^;; ]
current mood:  bouncy
current music: W - Friendship
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| Monday, July 7th, 2008
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6:21 pm - [[.Ichi.]]
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So after she swore up and down that she wasn't going to give us a place to run free and play, here we are. Amazing. Such a crowd pleaser. Oh, how I love that girl. Totally useless, but oh well.
I'm aware that not many of you know me, but maybe that will change. The truth of the matter is, I'm writing here now because the rest of that girl's mental menagerie is either fighting to get the right to speak, or too shy to make themselves heard. Leaving it like that, we'd have a blank journal for all eternity. That would be boring, wouldn't it?
So just take this posting as one of my many social services, read it or disregard it, at least I got the ball rolling.
That being said, I suppose I should actually write something for myself, hn?
I like it here, really. I get a vacation from all the business and drama, and yet there's still so many nice little things to play with. I've met some interesting new people, and ran into some old faces. I've heard that Rukh is around here somewehere, polluting someone's mind. Brilliant. We should start up work again, without that old man taking most of the profits. As far as I know, this area is a blind spot to our reality, unless we choose to be there, so.... What could be better?
Hn... That cute little Dev girl is messaging us, so I'm thinking my time is going to be cut shorter than I'd wanted it. Oh well, I guess.
I've found Momiko again, though now she seems to go by the name "Machine". It's nice getting to spend time with her again. And all her little friends are fun too.
So many interesting people here.... I hope to meet more of you.
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